Wednesday, January 5, 2011

I'm a grape

Galatians 5:22-23 (New International Version, ©2010)
 22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.
I started a new Ladies Bible Study this morning by Beth Moore about the fruit of the Spirit.  As an icebreaker, our facilitator had us tell which fruit we were like and why.  Honestly, my introvert self hates icebreakers of any sort and I got called on it today. J  So what I came up with for myself is that I’m like a grape.  I enjoy my time by myself, but also enjoy time with “bunches” of people. 
The dilemma is that I am someone who needs alone time to refuel and to face the world. I crave solitude.  However, alone time is a rare commodity these days with the responsibilities that come with being a wife, a mother of two small children and other commitments.  When I go long periods without much solitude, I get antsy, easily irritated and impatient.   I don’t want to be that way and I try so hard not to be, but I was reminded this morning that I can’t do it on my own.
Sewing has become my outlet lately.  It allows me to focus on something fun and have a break, but still be at home.  However, it isn’t always easy to carve out this time for myself.  Chief Blessing is so good about  trying to help me find the time, but there’s laundry, meals, grocery shopping, diapers to be changed, messes to be cleaned up, a baby that only wants Mommy, a little girl who wants Mommy to read the same book for the hundredth time, etc…  So I have to put off my desire to complete a list of sewing projects or play with my new machine .  I find myself not being very patient or gentle with the wonderful blessings God has given me in Chief Blessing, Sister Blessing, and Brother Blessing.
I felt very convicted this morning while listening to Beth Moore about how I act with the people I care about the most.  I really want to handle myself in a different way, but I have got to stop trying to do all this by myself. First and foremost, I’m hoping this study will cause me to be more consistent about really seeking God’s power to display the fruit of the Spirit in my life.  But I also am realizing God is telling me He’s put people in my life for a reason and I need to be better about asking for help when I need it.  I need to be real and let them see my disaster of a house, which is a good illustration of how I sometimes feel on the inside, too.  There have been some rough moments during the transition to having two children.  Yet, most of the time when I’m asked how I’m doing, I just say “fine”.   While I’m not exactly sure how to go about accomplishing this change, I know it’s something I not only want to do, but need to do.

1 comment:

  1. Well said Dawn. I am very much relating to what you are saying. I hope you post more of your thoughts as it is a good thing to "spur one another one to love and good deeds."

    Sometimes I feel like a big fat failure of a Mom and sometimes I'd like to take my blessings and let someone else have them. I have thoughts those thoughts but I also know, like you, I want to be a good Mom. I want to be PRESENT in my life and in their lives. I pray that is my greatest desire even when the desire is not there. I heard a good speaker say, "pray for good desires. Pray to want to read your Bible and love your husband and be patient." that's so true isn't it.

    Love this post and it has helped me today. Your spuring me on. Let's ask for help. :)